Pauly Problems
by TeddyLuver
Summary: "I've been a fan of yours for ever." Little does Sonny know how true this statement is. Follow Chad through his childhood as he handles some of the obstacles life throws at him, with the help of none other than Pauly. For the amazing Carma Jay's birthday.


***waves meekly* Hi. I know, I know. I haven't posted in months, and you're all probably ready to kill me. :P But, I promise I'll explain. As you might know, I feel like people read the A/N's after the chapter more than they read the ones at the beginning, so I'll talk about it then. **

**Now, onto to something much more important. Today is the wonderful, talented, kind, funny, and awesome Arie Jay's birthday. :D She deserves a brand new fic, but because of circumstances explained below, I wasn't able to write that for her. :( I'm sorry, Carma Jay, and I hope this at least makes up for some of the wonderful birthday that you deserve. I love you, Carma Jay! **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Pauly and Pals... or SWAC... what else is new? :P **

* * *

"Mommy! Mommy!"

A distressed five-year-old boy with neatly combed blonde hair and sparkling blue eyes ran into the huge living room of his family's mansion. He wailed for his mother, who came running from the office when she heard his cries.

"What is it, Chad?" Mrs. Cooper picked up her young son and set him on her lap. "What's wrong, sweetie?"

Chad's huge blue eyes filled with tears and his bottom lip quivered.

"_Fluffy's Fun House_ isn't _on_!" he cried. "It's supposed to come on at _2:30 PM_, every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, but it's _not_!"

Mrs. Cooper rolled her eyes and smiled slightly at her son's antics. He was such a drama king.

"Well, why don't we go see what's wrong?" she suggested, setting a sniffling Chad down and leading him to the family room. Mrs. Cooper switched on the TV, and instead of the usual pink fluffy flamingo and safari background, there now was a polar bear in a winter wonderland.

"Hmm..." Mrs. Cooper pondered this, and flipped through the TV Guide. "Chad, honey, I think Fluffy's has been canceled. They won't show it anymore."

"WHAT?" Chad cried, his eyes filling up with tears again. "They can't do that!"

"It's okay, Chaddy," Mrs. Cooper held her son close and comforted him. "Look, there's this new TV show on. Pauly and Pals."

"But I want FLUFFY!" Chad screamed. Mrs. Cooper sighed, sensing a tantrum coming on.

"Look, sweetheart, Mommy has work to do now," she told him, getting up. "Now, you can either watch this show, or go play with your toys." Mrs. Cooper walked out of the room, leaving a very upset Chad.

Chad sat on the couch and pouted, glaring at the TV, which was now showing the polar bear, Pauly, leading some penguins through the icy terrain.

"Hello, kids!" Pauly said in a deep voice. "It's time for Pauly's Pledges! Pauly Pledge #1: Pauly knows best! Hey, Icy, don't go on that slope!" Pauly then proceeded to show what would happen if you didn't listen to Pauly.

An involuntary giggle escaped Chad as one of the penguins slid down the slope, frantically waving its flippers.

"See, kids," Pauly grinned. "What did I tell you? Always listen to Pauly, as well as your parents and teachers. Remember, they are looking out for you!"

Chad wiped his eyes and stared at this new, fascinating polar bear show.

A few minutes later, Mrs. Cooper popped her head back in the living room, only to see Chad gazing adoringly at the TV screen. She grinned to herself. Little did she know that this was to be the first of many problems solved by Pauly.

* * *

"Hey, sport, how was school? Enjoying second grade so far?" Mr. Cooper held open the door as his son climbed into the backseat of the car. Instead of the usual smile that Chad wore, there was now a look of thoughtfulness on his face.

"Chad?" Mr. Cooper asked Chad as they drove home. "You've been awfully quiet on the ride home. Is everything okay?"

"There's a girl in my class named Tawni..." Chad trailed off, still appearing to be thinking very hard.

"And?" Mr. Cooper probed.

"She's trying out to be an actress." Chad explained. "She has an audis...audit...aud..."

"Audition?"

"Yeah, that," Chad replied. "And... Mrs. Beezly, my drama teacher, said that I have a 'real talent for acting' and she thinks I should try out. But I don't know."

Mr. Cooper's face split into a large smile.

"Don't worry about it, Chad," he told his young son as they pulled into the driveway. "I think it's a great idea. You always were the little drama king. Why don't you think about it a little? Hey, I think Pauly's on!"

"Okay," Chad nodded. "Thanks, Dad!" He rushed upstairs to turn on the TV. His face split into a grin as his favorite furry white polar bear came bounding across the screen.

"Hey, kids!" Pauly boomed joyfully. "Welcome to... _Pauly and Pals_!" The theme music played, and Chad sang along, his little voice going horribly off key.

"Kids, today we're going to talk about Pauly Pledge #34," Pauly said. "Always follow your dreams." Chad perked up as he heard this, and paid extra attention.

"Little Penguin Snowball wants to be a tap dancer," Pauly said, gesturing to a penguin who was attempting to do a tap dance, and failing. "Hey, Snowball. You can do anything if you try! Follow your dreams, and reach for the stars!"

"Follow your dreams," Chad whispered. "Reach for the stars." He closed his little eyes briefly, and imagined himself onstage, bowing to thunderous applause. He grinned even wider, and suddenly he knew what he wanted to be.

"MOM! DAD! I need to be at the Town Hall at 8:30 on Saturday morning!"

* * *

Chad had done it. He aced the audition, keeping Pauly's inspirational words in his head. Now, 10 years old, he was playing the character Woody Goody, on the kids TV show,_The Goody Gang_. _The Goody Gang_ was about a slightly dysfunctional family and the mishaps they encountered daily. He was working alongside his former classmate, Tawni Hart.

"Goosey!" Tawni called, skipping on set.

"Hi, Duck Duck!" Chad grinned back. The two had grown quite close, and even come up with nicknames for each other, based off of their all time favorite game. Tawni skipped up to him and gave him a big hug, which he returned.

"Tawni Hart and Chad Dylan Goldfarb on set!" The director called. Tawni giggled at his name and Chad groaned.

"I _hate_ that name," he complained to his makeup artist. "Why do I have to be called Goldfarb? That name is the reason my mom changed her last name to Cooper!"

"I know, sweetie, but we already have a Cooper on the show," his makeup artist replied as she dabbed blush on the young star's cheeks. Chad gave a dramatic sigh and scampered off onto the set.

"And…cut!" the director called about two hours later. "Good job, everyone! We'll take it from the next scene tomorrow morning."

Chad hopped off his little stool and ran into the playroom which all the kid actors shared. One of the other actors on the show, Bryan, was watching _Transformers X_, a television show about mutant ninja robots who fought crime

"Hey, Bryan, change the channel!" Chad cried as the other kids walked into the room.

"What?" Bryan exclaimed, clutching the remote. "No way! I wanna watch Transformers X!"

"But _Pauly and Pals_ is on, silly!" Chad laughed, as if Bryan was being stupid. "We gotta watch Pauly."

Bryan laughed loudly and meanly.

"You _still _watch _Pauly and Pals_?" he snickered. "That _babies'_ show?"

The other kids began whispering and pointing at Chad. His face flushed a little, but he kept his head held high.

"It's not a babies' show," he insisted. "I watch Pauly every Monday, Wednesday and Friday at 3:30. It helps teach life lessons and provides interactive learning for children." Chad finished with a smile, feeling proud at remembering that from the show.

Bryan laughed loudly. "_Life lessons_? _Interactive learning_? What are you, two? What a _baby!_" The other kids began to laugh at Chad too, shouting things like "Baby!" at him. Chad felt his eyes tear up, and wished his friend Tawni was here. She would defend him.

"What's going on?" a high voice came from the doorway, and Chad whirled around to see Tawni standing there.

"Duck duck!" he cried, running towards her and pointing an accusing finger at Bryan. "They're saying Pauly is for babies! Tell them it's not true!"

"Are you gonna side with this baby here, Tawni?" Brian jeered. "The one who watches little kiddy shows and still wear diapers?"

"I do not!" Chad protested, mortified, but the other kids were laughing too loud for Tawni to hear him. She wore an expression of incredulity and shame on her face.

"You still watch Pauly, Chad?" she asked, her blue eyes astonished. "But...but that's a baby show."

Hearing his one friend say that broke Chad's heart. His dream, his idol…Pauly was shattered. Chad fled from the room, angry tears pouring down his face.

"Hey Chaddy," his mom greeted him as he slammed the car door.

"Chaddy, what's wrong?" Mrs. Cooper asked, alarmed.

"Take me home!" Chad shouted angrily. Confused and worried, Mrs. Cooper drove home, occasionally checking back at her son's unchanging stony expression. When they arrived, Chad stomped into the house without a word.

"Chaddy, what's the matter?" his mother asked, trailing after him. "Do you want a snack? Oh, why don't I turn on Pauly?"

At that word, Chad spun around, his eyes flashing with fury.

"I hate Pauly!" he screamed, causing his mother to step back, shocked. "I hate him! Pauly is a baby show! I never wanna watch Pauly ever again!" Chad let out a sob, ran up to his room, and slammed the door behind him.

He hated Brian, he thought as furious tears poured down his cheeks. He hated Tawni. He hated all the kids on _The Goody Gang_.

But mostly, he hated Pauly.

* * *

_Tap. Tap. Tap._

"Chad, stop tapping your foot."

_Tap. Tap. Tap._

"Chad. Please."

_Tap. Tap. Tap._

"Chad Dylan Cooper, if you don't stop tapping your foot, I'll stop it for you!"

Twelve-year-old Chad Dylan Goldfarb (now Cooper) stared at his mother with a mixture of amusement and fear on his face. "Okay, gosh, Mom." he replied in that typical tween-trying-to-be-a-teenager voice. He ceased his tapping and glanced furtively at the phone.

"Are you sure they'll call?" he asked, worry seeping through his 'cool' facade. Mrs. Cooper smiled.

"Of course they'll call, sweetie. You did wonderfully at your audition."

"I messed up on the fall scene, Mom." the tween groaned, putting his head between his hands. "I was supposed to cry while falling, not fall and _then_ start crying."

"Chad, honey, calm down." Mrs. Cooper replied, putting a comforting hand on her son's shoulder. "You did fine. Stop worrying. Here, let's watch some TV to get your mind off things."

Mrs. Cooper turned on the television as Chad rolled his eyes and resumed his constant staring at the phone, as if it would somehow ring if he stared hard enough. Bright, happy, and strangely familiar music tore his attention away from the infuriatingly non-ringing phone.

"Oh, look, sweetie, it's _Pauly_ _and Pals_!" Mrs. Cooper exclaimed happily, a sentimental mother-like grin spreading across her face. "Oh, you used to _love_ this show when you were little."

Chad rolled his eyes once more, trying to stop the painful memories. "Yeah, when I was like, _five_, Mom."

But his mother didn't hear him, as she was absorbed in childhood memories. She stared at the TV screen with rapt attention, her head moving unconsciously to the beat of the lively opening song.

Chad rolled his eyes (yet again) at his mother's childishness.

"Hey, kids!" Pauly said in his funny tone. Chad fought to keep a smile off his face as he remembered how much he loved that voice. "Today we're gonna be helping out a special friend of mine...Wally the walrus!"

"Hey Pauly." a depressed looking walrus replied. "I just took a really hard swimming test. If I did well, I get put into the Super Swimmers group."

"Super Swimmers Group!" the penguins gasped excitedly. Chad's mother let out a little laugh, and a little smile even crept on to Chad's face. As much as he would have liked to walk away, something kept him in his seat.

"But what if I did badly?" Wally asked, looking up at Pauly. Chad felt a strange connection with the walrus. What if he did well on his audition? Then he would get the part of MacKenzie. But if he did badly...

"Oh, Wally!" Pauly chortled, putting a comforting arm around the tusked mammal. "You're forgetting Pauly Pledge #52: Always believe in yourself."

"Always believe!" the penguins echoed enthusiastically. Chad blinked. Was it really that easy? Believing in yourself?

"Oh, I'm sorry, sweetie." Chad mother seemed to have finally snapped out of her nostalgia. "Do you want me to turn it off? You can watch _So Random!_ instead."

"No, keep it on." Chad muttered, waving his mother away. Mrs. Cooper walked out of the room, a knowing smile on her face. Once making sure his mother had left, Chad turned his attention back to the screen.

"Believe?" Wally rumbled, looking as incredulous as Chad felt. "Really?"

"Yes, silly!" Pauly boomed. "Say it with me. Believe in yourself! Believe in yourself!"

"Believe in yourself!" the penguins started chanting. Wally repeated the phrase slowly at first, then with more vigor.

"Believe in yourself..." Chad whispered softly, his blue eyes trained on the polar bear. He gazed admiringly at the screen, all his old childhood memories and love for Pauly flooding back.

_Ring! Ring!_

The sound of the phone caused Chad to nearly jump out of his skin. He let out a yelp and jumped off the couch. Scrambling up, Chad muted the television right as his mother ran into the room.

"Answer it!" Mrs. Cooper cried excitedly, waving her dishtowel around. Chad held the phone up to his ear, and ever so dramatically pressed the answer button.

"Hello?" he asked, his voice full of fear and anticipation.

"May I speak to Chad Dylan Cooper please?" the calm male voice on the other end asked.

"Speaking." Chad replied, his hands starting to shake and his heart pounding.

"This is Mr. Condor, from Condor Studios." Chad nearly dropped the phone. "I'd like to congratulate you on your fantastic audition and personally invite you to come in for a call-back sometime next week."

This time, Chad really did drop the phone. He rushed to pick it up.

"Thank you!" he whispered, his voice cracking. He cleared his throat and repeated again. "Thank you, Mr. Condor, sir!"

"No problem, son." the big man replied. "See you next week." The line went dead, and a huge smile spread across the young tween's face.

"I got a call-back!" he shouted, grinning from ear to ear.

Mrs. Cooper let out a small shriek. "Congratulations, baby!" she ran to hug him. "I'm so proud of you!"

"Oof—Mom..." Chad groaned, trying to wriggle out of his mothers' grasp.

From the TV screen, Pauly watched, smiling.

* * *

Chad slammed the door and stomped into the kitchen with an angry look on his face.

"Whoa, calm down son." his father joked. "I don't think you slammed that door hard enough; it hasn't broken."

Chad shot him a glare as he opened the fridge and poured himself a glass of orange juice.

"Stupid...girl...Randoms..." Chad growled as he downed his orange juice and flung the cup into the sink. Mr. Cooper cringed as it hit the wall of the sink.

"Okay, son, what's got you all riled up?" the older Cooper asked, setting down his paper.

"The Randoms have a new cast member." Chad muttered. Mr. Cooper smiled slightly. Chad had always hated the Randoms, mostly because he still had a grudge against Tawni for humiliating him in his Goody Gang days.

"Aw, that's nothing to worry about." he said. "They'll never beat good ol' Mac Falls. What's wrong with him?"

"Her." Chad replied immediately. "It's a girl. Her name is Sonny Munroe."

"Sonny Munroe?" Mr. Cooper tried to remember where he'd heard that name before. "Isn't she that one who came from Wyoming?"

"Wisconsin." Chad answered gruffly.

"Well?" Mr. Cooper prodded. "Is she any good?"

"_Good_?" Chad cried. The rest of his words poured out in a rush. "Do you know what she did, Dad? She...she _humiliated_ me! She tried to be all 'nice' and throw a peace picnic. What a _lame_ idea. And then we played Musical Chairs! _Musical Chairs_, Dad! And then she fell, and I thought she broke her ankle, and I got all worried, and then...then... she _pulled_ me down!" Chad buried his head in his hands, his face red with mortification.

Mr. Cooper smiled knowingly. "Why, she sounds like a charming girl. Give her the ol' Cooper charm, did ya?"

Chad's face shot up faster than a bullet, even redder than before. "DAD!" he cried, his face burning. "Are you kidding? What—why—what—" he sputtered, unable to form coherent words.

"All right, all right." Mr. Cooper winked. "Hey, check this out. Remember that old favorite show of yours? Pauly the penguin or something?"

"Polar bear."

"Right. Well, turns out it's moving to Condor Studios! You should go pop in and say hi to Pauly. You used to _worship_ him, I remember."

"Dad, please, I'm sixteen." Chad rolled his eyes. "I don't watch Pauly the polar bear."

"All right, whatever you say son." Mr. Cooper left the paper open. "Here's the article if you want to look at it," he pointed out before walking away. Chad rolled his eyes, and snuck a quick glance at the news paper.

PAULY PALS COMES TO CONDOR STUDIOS, the title proclaimed, and beneath it was a list of Pauly Pledges. Chad recognized many from his childhood. One in particular stood out.

"Pauly Pledge #79: Someone who seems to be your enemy might just be your friend."

Chad thought about this for a minute. His enemy, be his friend? Who was his enemy? Right now, he felt like Sonny Munroe was his biggest enemy. But Chad pushed the thought of his mind immediately, deeming it ridiculous.

Because there was no way that fake-falling, chair-cheating, chicken-clucking Random would ever, ever, _ever_ be anything more than his enemy.

* * *

When Chad Dylan Cooper first met Sonny Munroe, he thought she was just another fan. When he _really_ met her, sparks flew. Both the good and the bad kind. When he asked her out, his heart was going an hundred miles an hour, and he was even more nervous than when he auditioned for MacKenzie Falls.

When he started dating her, he felt like he was on top of the world.

When he thought she wasn't interested in him anymore, he felt like a comet: hurtling down towards the ground at neck-breaking speed, out of control, spinning wildly into an endless void of despair.

...Okay, maybe that was a little dramatic. But he was upset, confused, and very, very insecure.

So, he did what all self-respecting seventeen year old heartthrobs do when they get their hearts broken.

He lay on the couch in his PJs and watched TV.

Skimming through the channels aimlessly, Chad blinked as something caught his eye. Backpedaling a couple of channels, he came across one of his old childhood favorites..._Pauly and Pals_. A small smile crept across Chad's face as he remembered when what Pauly said was law.

"And see you next time with Pauly the Polar Bear, right here on Condor TV!" the show concluded as the penguins marched dutifully offstage and the upbeat music faded to silence.

Condor TV?

_"Remember that old favorite TV show of yours? Well, turns out it's moving to Condor Studios! You should go pop in and say hi to Pauly."_

Maybe it was the broken heart. Maybe it was just a nostalgic whim. Whatever it was, an idea hit Chad. Quickly changing into pants, he pulled on his jacket and ran out the door, his feet pounding in synchronization with his heart.

Maybe Pauly could fix this problem too.

* * *

"Sir, I'm sorry, Pauly's closed now."

"But I'm Chad Dylan Cooper!" Chad protested, stamping his feet like a three year old again. "You've got to let me in!"

"But sir—"

"Is there a problem, Pecky?" Mr. Condor appeared behind the penguin who was currently being yelled at by Chad.

"Mr. Condor!" Chad cried out. "This idiot here won't let me talk to Pauly! I need to see him; it's urgent."

Mr. Condor gave Chad a very weirded-out look. But he had had a long and tiring day. Sighing, he replied, "Just let him in, Pecky. I'll go tell Pauly. PAULY!" Mr. Condor shouted as he walked off.

Chad grinned childishly and ran after Mr. Condor. He grinned even wider as he saw his childhood idol, Pauly the polar bear, standing there.

"Hi, Pauly!" he cried excitedly, running up to the bear, who jumped, startled. "I've been a fan of yours _forever_."

"...Seriously?" the bear replied in a skeptical tone.

"Yeah, I know what you're thinking," Chad replied, still grinning goofily. "Chad's cool. Chad plays by his own rules. Chad's awesome. Cha—"

"Is this going somewhere?" Pauly interrupted in a somewhat testy tone that surprised Chad, it but was also slightly familiar...

"Why don't we sit down and talk about it?" Chad suggested, pulling Pauly over to his chair. Ignoring the cries of protest from the bear, Chad plopped down on his lap, only to jump up again as he felt something wet. "Did someone spill something on your lap?"

"Not just somebody..." Pauly sighed, his head hanging down. "Everybody."

But the awe of seeing his childhood hero won over the disgust, and Chad sat down on the bear's lap anyway.

"Are we done here?"

"No, let's get back to me." Chad replied, grinning. "When I was a kid, and I have having a problem, I would always think... 'What would Pauly do?'" Chad grinned as he said that in the bear's deep voice.

"Don't you have someone else you can ask?" Pauly replied. "Somebody _human_? Possibly a _girlfriend_?"

Chad's heart sank quickly.

"That's the problem, Pauly." Chad sighed sadly. "Today's our seven-weekaversary, and she totally blew me off. I don't...think she wants to see me anymore." Chad looked at Pauly imploringly.

"That's not true!" Pauly protested immediately, but Chad shook his head.

"I think it is..." Chad looked away sadly. "I just...I don't know what to do..."

Chad turned back to Pauly for help, but instead of the polar bear's white, furry face, he was met by that of his girlfriend's.

"AAAH! SONNY!" Chad screamed and leapt off Pauly's—now Sonny's—lap.

"No, it's not," Sonny put the head down and walked towards the now much freaked out Chad.

Chad laughed nervously.

"Heh...all that stuff I told you? I was kidding..."

"Of course you were," Sonny replied in a stunning imitation of Pauly's voice.

"Stop that. Why are you in that suit?" The initial shock had begun to worn off, replaced by confusion, and a tiny hope that his girlfriend was still interested in him.

"Chad, I'm so sorry." Sonny sighed. "I promised the guy I'd be Pauly for an hour, and he never came back. So, now I'm stuck in this suit being Pauly, and I smell like the inside of a man's sock!" Sonny finished with her voice going high, sounding like she was close to tears. Chad longed to reach out and hug her.

"Well, that's a relief," Chad replied, starting to feel happy again. "Nico and Grady had me convinced you weren't into me anymore." The sad expression fell of off Sonny's face in an instant, replaced by one of pure skepticism.

"You were taking girl advice from Nico and Grady?"

"It's called hitting _rock bottom_, Sonny." Chad replied, now feeling slightly humiliated. Sonny gave him an endearing look.

"Awww...that's the saddest and sweetest thing I've ever heard," she smiled goofily and took Chad's hand, who replied with a goofy smile of his own. "Almost as sad and sweet as _you_ coming to Pauly for advice on our relationship."

"I knew it was you in there," Chad laughed nervously, his voice cracking slightly.

"You know what?" Sonny dropped Chad's hand and walked around. "Hank needs to be in here. Whenever there's a little girl or a boy in need—or a big boy…" She cut off in the Pauly voice, poking Chad playfully.

"Stop that."

"…Pauly needs to be there," Sonny finished emphatically.

"We're spending our weekaversary tracking down that jerk, aren't we?" Chad asked, sighing. But in truth, he didn't care how they spent their anniversary, as long as he was with his lady. Because all that mattered could be summed up in Pauly Pledge #14.

_You're never alone._

_

* * *

_***claps* Yaaay, happy birthday Carma Jay! :D *throws confetti* **

**Alright, explanation time. I wish I had a fantastic and exciting excuse for you, but the truth is: school. It's been ridiculous, and left me barely any time to write. :/ And I'm so sorry, but it's highly unlikely that I'll be updating very often now. I'll try and write as much as I can in the weekends/holidays, but don't expect regular updates from me. **

**Anyway, let's not dwell on the negative. Let's focus on the positive! And by positive, I mean reviews, of course! xD**

**No, but seriously. ;) For me? Or if not for me, at least for the amazing Carmen? :)**

**Peace out, suckas. :) **

**~TeddyLuver**


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